In a shocking twist of real estate roulette, the Johnson family’s quest for high-end habitation landed them in what they describe as “the Versailles of very bad decisions.” Having forked over a cool $2000 for what was marketed as an “ultra-luxurious penthouse experience,” the family was greeted not by the promised marble floors and chandeliers, but by linoleum that had seen better days and a mysterious, chandelier-shaped stain on the ceiling.
“It was an exclusive listing,” mused Mr. Johnson, still trying to find the silver—or at least slightly less tarnished—lining of the situation. “Exclusive in the sense that no one else would want it.”
The grand entrance, lauded in the brochure as ‘fit for a king’, turned out to be a malfunctioning elevator with a permanent ‘Out of Order’ sign, which the family mistook for a post-modern art installation until they realized it was just broken. As they took the stairs, they half-expected to be greeted by a butler. Instead, they found Gary, the building’s resident raccoon, who had made himself at home in the ‘spacious walk-in closet’—a.k.a. the space under the sink.
The promised “fully equipped modern kitchen” boasted an oven that Mr. Johnson joked, “must have been a relic from the time when fire was invented.” And the “panoramic city views” were in fact a view of the brick wall of the adjacent building, offering a lovely tableau of ’50 shades of grey’ if grey were solely a buildup of city grime.
Mrs. Johnson, ever the optimist, decided to embrace the apartment’s ‘rustic charm’, which was realtor speak for ‘we haven’t updated this since the disco era.’ The children, on the other hand, were more concerned with the ‘indoor pool’, a term that should have been reserved for the bathroom, which flooded every time someone took a shower.
The family’s tale took to social media like wildfire, with hashtags #LuxuryLivingand #RaccoonRoommate trending by the hour. The Johnsons, while initially dismayed, found humor in their predicament, hosting what they dubbed ‘dump parties’, where guests were encouraged to wear construction helmets and bring their own chairs…to be continued
